Letter to Q.

Pain to me is not the same as hurt.

Hurt is like a wound that heals today and tomorrow feels like a fresh injury. Pain should be the same but I don't feel that, I feel hurt, anger and sadness. This words explain my feelings more than any other thing.

Hurt is the continuing gift I got from you!

You hurt me and made me a loser like you but loss only lasts for a minute here, winning is an habit,

I don't believe in anyone winning a break up but you stole a few points making me feel less of myself, 

Your lies and deception never went unnoticed so please don't let my new wave of  anger deceive you. I've always had that coming.

My realization is only with clarity now, I've always doubted you, not exactly you or your actions, I had doubts for myself for settling, it made me question if I'll ever truly find my person.

I used to think we had something, turns out you are just an upcoming villain who has refused to understand that "two timing" and "cheating" are basically the same thing.

You asked me once if I'll ever give up on love, I answered with honesty, I would not keep you and string you along knowing I don't enjoy or feel happy with you, you had an opposing take choosing to "fight for love" but maybe just maybe, you are just a spineless bitch who would rather lie and deceive people than coming to terms with the actual truth.

We never liked each other enough to be together but you ran with it and let me be the one to speak some truth into existence and stupid me, I let you come back and feed me with the "maybe you never loved me bullshit". 

Yes, I never loved you but I cared for you. I worry for you, yes I still do. I think about you, not in a good way, I think of gorging your eyeballs out and cleaning them well enough hoping you'll see besides yourself and fix up your "damaged boy" character because honestly it's a tired role to keep playing.

I don't wish you evil, I don't wish you the best either not because I hate you just because I don't know what "the best" is for you. You lack clarity and basic understanding on various things, I'm glad it's not my place to educate you and  I hope nobody thinks that's work cut out for them because honestly I'll rather you remained damaged and be known for it.

You made me cry, you made me sad, you made me hate myself and as much as I hate to admit, you brought back my biggest insecurity, you made me feel inadequate again.

Last year, I really felt like stabbing you would help, this year I still think hurting you would work but maybe this time with my words but knives would do too.

I should thank you for adding to the journey of who I am today, better than before me.  I don't think you'll thank me, I don't think I did anything to make you whoever you are today.

P.S: I still think knives would do.

                                                              This user never forgot!