My mind is a battlefield, Not of guns and grenades, But of whispers and wars. Holy and haunting.

I overthink. And then I overthink about overthinking. Loud echoes in quiet rooms, Questions that bounce off my soul like bullets. What do I do?. Where do I go from here?. What if it never works out?

See, my thoughts are like storms. And I’ve tried……. I’ve tried to silence them with effort, To achieve calm with clenched fists, To chase peace by pretending. But how does the Holy Spirit speak when my mind is a marketplace?

I wanted to be clean before I prayed, Polished before I knelt, Sinless before I dared to say “Father.” But I learned. That wasn’t humility, That was pride. It was me thinking I could fix me. But "Apart from Me," He said, “you can do nothing”.

 I drowned in sin, Only to rise, soaked in shame. And I’d hate myself for falling again After He’d already forgiven me.

But here’s what I know now, God never turned away. He never waited for my performance. He just waited for me. Because the best of a man is still a man, And the worst of a man? Still a man. But the grace of God? Always God. Always present. Always ready.

Sometimes, I imagine my thoughts pouring like rain and God stretching out His arms saying, “Let them fall. I’ll catch every drop.” "Be still and know" He whispers. But how do I be still when I’m busy doubting my own stillness?

How do I walk in light when shame clings to my shadow? But He speaks again this time louder than my fear. “There is now no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus.”

So I surrender. Not because I’m perfect, But because I’ve finally learned that I don’t have to be. That He died knowing I’d struggle and still called me beloved.

 I no longer run from Him, I run to Him. Not with quiet thoughts, But with all of them. The broken, The loud, The wild.

Because in His arms, I’ve found what I couldn’t in my own strength. Rest, Peace, Stillness that surpasses understanding. So when my mind won’t be quiet, I rest in the One who calms storms with a word, Who silences shame with love, Who chooses me every single time.