I know the one who makes all things new…even the darkest, most broken hearts…

When I was in secondary school—junior secondary, to be specific—I and my fellow junior students got bullied by seniors ever so often. It was so common that we all got used to it to the point that when terrible things were done to us, we’d dust ourselves up and move on because oh well, that was the life of a junior.
I became resentful towards some of those seniors along the line. A few who bullied me too much, and a few others who bullied my sisters and friends. Yep, I was angry on their behalf and also helped them pray for God’s swift and dangerous judgement to fall upon their offenders.
But something happened after school. I got closer to God, knew Him better and understood some basic principles He follows. One of the things I learnt very quickly during my quest for vengeance is that God is not petty. He doesn’t participate in that kind of transfer of aggression, especially if the person in question has ironed things out with Him already.

To say the least, I was displeased and pissed off at the fact that God wasn’t going to make an exception for me even after I had given Him sufficient reasons to punish those wicked seniors. Or at least cause them to meet impediments equivalent to the portions of bullying they meted out to poor, innocent junior students, you know? But He didn’t. Guess what He did instead?
He asked me a question. He said, “If the reverse was the case and you were the one who someone was praying would receive judgement and punishment for the cruel things you did to her, would you feel the same way you do now? Even if you’re not the victim?”
I didn’t like the question. He was changing the subject of the story to set me up. But maybe that was the right thing to do. Because it made me realise that I was harbouring a lot of hatred and unforgiveness that I thought was merely a quest for justice.
God wasn’t going to cause those seniors to fail throughout their lives. He wasn’t going to stop them from prospering either, at least not on the account of what I presented before Him. And it’s the same thing with people we’ve fallen out of friendship with, too. God isn’t going to stop talking to someone simply because you did, and He’s not going to make their life miserable because you’re still sulking over the pain you should have tried to heal from. Actually, the person who ends up miserable most times, is you. And it’s not because of some divine punishment or something. It’s because of what you’re carrying inside. It’s dark, unhealthy, and life-sapping. That’s what makes you miserable. It’s what made me miserable, too.
Until I started to heal. I shed a few tears and had difficult conversations with myself and God, but that was the beginning of my healing. That was the point where I learnt that the same measure of love God has for me is the same measure of love He has for those people, and the difference between my and God’s judgement of their actions is the intention behind it. While I wanted them to suffer, God wanted them to repent. He always has wanted that and redemption for man and always will.

So if you’re praying for the failure or downfall of someone you don’t like or have a difficult relationship with because you think it’ll make you happy, from someone who prayed these same things before, rest assured that it’s in your best interest to either forgive that person and move on from those ungodly thoughts or brace yourself for heartache, jealousy and anger. Because that’s all you’re going to get when you see that same person doing well for himself and prospering on all sides. That burning sensation in your chest? Yeah, that. You’ll get a lot of it and it won’t go away even if you take medication to soothe it because it really isn’t only a burning sensation in your chest, after all. It’s a matter of the heart and the only thing that can make it go away is a change through God’s Spirit from the inside out.