I have always heard,
"Your skin is not paper,
So don't cut it."
But what do I do
When the skin is on a body
That's not mine?

A body that was never allowed
To be mine.

It was first that girl, Nini,
Someone who is out there
Living her life with children of her own.
She was the one that ruined me first.

It started from,
"Let me show you something
But promise you would not tell mummy."
And then she showed me
What my eyes should never had seen
At that age.

And then proceeded to practice
Those acts with me.
It wasn't nice.
And whenever I complained that I wasn't interested,
She would threaten to whip me
And report me to mummy.

Mummy!
A bile taste on my tongue.
She was just a woman that thought
Being fierce would protect me.
A big lol.
Nini, I was only 10?
What did you get from defiling
The body and mind of a young child?

And then proceed to when I was thirteen
And mummy's own son
Took me, of course without my permission.
My soul left my body.

He was twenty,
A drug addict,
Just suspended from school,
Useless and spoilt.

Because he was the only son, after all.
He forced himself on me,
Roughly and without care
For my pain or discomfort.
I cried and begged him to stop,
But he just laughed and told me
To be quiet or he would tell mummy
That I was a slut who seduced him.

Mummy found out!

I was bleeding and She tried to cover it up.
She warned me,
"Family matter stays here."
And nobody must know..
That I was not "pure."
Or, no man would marry me.

She cried, of course,
But After a while
Purposely acted like that never happened.

Her son, blamed it on drugs again
And promised to finally quit.

I thought my life would be better,
When I came home from the hospital.
But it was worse.

Bobo, my own brother,
Didn't change his ways, of course.
My mouth, my already defiled womanhood,
Became a source of his pleasure.

He ruined me till it became a norm.

And till I turned sixteen,
That guy slept with the life of me.
He ruined me literally.

Kenny, David, Taiwo, Ben, Neo, Joy, Rotimi, Alex, Dan, Rex
They can all testify to my "good works"
In that aspect.

Right now, writing this,
I am drunk, obviously.
And that's because I am tired.
I am tired of feeling really nauseated and choked up.
At least I haven't had an abortion.

That's what bobo, did well
Making sure, he was well protected.
After mummy warned him about disgracing our family
By getting me pregnant.

Its been years, and now..

I am left feeling empty.

I don't feel worth it.
I don't know how to explain it.
Whenever I hear, "love"
I cringe.
What is Love?

And when a guy goes out of his way to be extra nice
And it seems like he has a thing for me,
I cringe again and I cry.
And probably relapse.
He doesn't know.
He is in love with a figment of his imagination.
If he knew me, he wouldn't stay.

So I push them all away.
Let's keep it light, we are friends nothing more.
So I let my pain out for today.

Parents, Love and protect your kids.
If I ever become a parent,
No man or woman
Would dare do that they did with me to them.

Well now, let me just drown back in sorrows
And tears.

But there is a guy
Who loves me.
Too much to be real.
I can't be with him,
For I am nothing but broken shards of glass.

But I have hopes that one day,
My story with him
Might have a better end.
Where I would love me regardless,
And I would love him too.

Sorry guys, he only exist in my dreams, lol…