Are there people out there who battle with constant thoughts of never breaking free from what they know? Don't get me wrong, I'm not a sad girl who seeks happiness, I'm just trying to know if I'm the only one who battles every day with staying true to whi I am and not fucking up the things I already have. I'm trying my best to be loyal and true and it feels like in this age it has become more difficult than it should. 

 You wake up every morning and try your best to live right but there's this invisible thread of fear, tugging at the corners of your heart, hoping that you truly are doing the right thing and living to the fulfilment of your creation. Sometimes you even wonder if you're just floating through space, merely existing and you wonder what it means to truly live. It's crazy but yes I do battle with this not every day of my life because that will be sad. But sometimes I find myself entertaining these fears and I honestly don't know if having and feeling them makes me human or trying avoid their existence is what makes me human. I don't know if blaming it on growth is right but it helps with the guilt especially for the mistakes I desperately need to erase but can't. Where do I even fit in this box called life??? 

I guess we're all trying to figure out who we are and what we truly want. I've heard that there's a million possibilities to the things we could be if only we believe but it feels like it's easy to say these words than actually believing them and watching them manifest in our lives. May be my greatest fear isn't of heights or needles, maybe it's not of the dark or being alone. Maybe it's of living a mediocre life when there's a lot I could have been. 

Kesh writes ✍️