Dear mother,

Before you read this message, my carcass must have been devoured by vultures after being killed by the firing squad. I am sorry I never became the daughter you eagerly wished for. I had disappointed you and Papa.

Don't judge yourself; you did well to raise me, but I decided to stray. I decided to follow the wolves, and I became a prey. If I had known. If I could turn the hands of time. If there would be a second chance for me. I'm in the Black Maria to Abuja Magistrate Court; for my fate lies to the verdict. I am sure that salvation is not for me; forgive me, Mother.

But you partook in my actions, please, don't blame yourself. You did everything a mother would do —cared for me and gave me the best of your life, but you missed one thing: communication. You were a tyrant; only your word stood and you gave deaf ears to mine. You confined me to the four walls of my room, and I never had a social life —I revolved around the triangular life you created for me: school, home, and church.

My few friends were unworthy in your sight, or was it the countless embarrassment to my male friends who came to visit me at home. The scar you left on John is still evergreen on his neck. Thank God he survived the hot bath of water. You desired to nurture me, but rather you tortured me. You tortured me emotionally and mentally, being oblivious to it.

All I wanted was to feel my wings, but I never knew I had no idea of flight, I was a butterfly, and I thought I was a bird; then, I followed the birds and was lost in the wind. 
It was on 10th January in school. I met him on my way to my hostel. He was naive and coy, but I never knew he was a pseudo. We walked down the inconspicuous road to Ziks Flat Hall; his lodge was a stone's throw from mine. He was good with words, despite being shy, and I fell for him. His sparkles of love revived the butterflies in my belly you killed years back. He became someone I wished to wake up seeing, and talking to. He became my breastplate.

I wished to have told you about him, how good and loving he was, but I knew... revealing him to you was unlocking the abyss. I never wanted him to see me like a child. So I concealed it to myself. If Daddy was in town, I would have told him. He was the only one I was vulnerable to; he knew my date of menstruation, my favorite meal, and hobby, and he became a shoulder I could lean on, but you became Wu Zetian of China.

He took me to his house on 14th  February, his room decor was a testament to his wealthy background. I was elated; happy to be a guest for the first time in another, not in grandma's house. He served me a glass of grape wine that had no alcohol; I loved it. He whispered into my right ear, "Welcome," and I felt at home. His right hand rested on my thigh, and his eyes glared at me.  I was ignorant of his action until he kissed me; I jolted.

He approached me and kissed me again; this time, his left hand unbuttoned his shirt as the right held my jaw to steady the third kiss. I was afraid, fidgeting, that I would die like you said when a man touches me, I will die. I never wanted to die, so I got hold of the knife on his table and stabbed him in his chest. I never wanted to kill him; I thought that would make him leave me until I saw him struggling in the pool of his blood.

My scream alerted his lodge mates; they stumbled into his room and met me with the knife. No one believed me when I told them he wanted to rape me. Of course, he didn't, I was just naive. They tried to stop the bleeding but it was too late; he breathed his last. Unknown to me that his mother is a magistrate in Abuja Magistrate Court.

I never wanted to kill him. It wasn't intentional, but the law stands. Please, pray for me that I will be granted passage in the afterlife. Tell Papa that I love him, and I apologize for ruining his dream to see me become the first Neurosurgeon in his clan.  Nó n' udo!

Your lovely daughter,
Olaedo.