22nd March 2024,

It's no news that I have a coconut head, right? The Igbos would say their personal God, "Chi", determines what happens to them, how they turn out to be, and stuff. And lately, my Chi has been putting me at peace! 

I am not a Christian, by the way, so if you are, don't read further. I am at a happy place, a very quiet and safe space. It all started when I stopped being a "Christian". Let me tell you about what I believe in: my Chi's love that is pure and unadulterated. 

My Chi calls me "Oniosobhe" – the one that's tended to by God. 

People used to tell me to stop doing this and that, that God doesn't want this or that, and that I would go to hell for this and that. They said a lot of things, and I lost who I truly was and stayed far from Him. And somehow, my Chi came for me. I didn't choose him; he chose me. And he gives me the power to will things to come. 

He plays every role in my life – my best friend, my lover, my father, my brother. Everything! And there are times I feel he is far, he is vexed with me, and I feel bad, and I stay where I am and try to do things to fill the hollow. But now I realize it's a call for me to come closer, to draw nearer, to hold his hand.
He is my lover because his love is pure. I don't do anything to merit it. He doesn't care about my race, my ethnicity, the color of my skin, where I live, or my past. Nah! Psalm 108 verse 4 talks about how big and wide his love is for me. His great love reaches to the skies; his faithfulness reaches the heavens. Ephesians 3 verse 18-19 talks about this love. His love is greater than what anyone can ever know. Has your Chi hugged you before? Nah! You are missing out for real. I legit cried when I felt the love of him. No human's love can ever compare to that. The warmth, the comfort, the peace... Whenever I am going to meet him, I dress so hot because I am going on a date with him. If you think I am fine, wait till you see me going to meet him.
He is my protector; he fights for me. I always talked about how much I miss my elder brother. All my brothers are grown and moved out of home before I became a teen. I had to be a big girl by force, and I didn't have that brother to tell things to, that one that I could trust and think he would fight for me. But you see my Chi, I legit pity people when they cuss me. I am not even playing; he would fight for me. And that's my greatest assurance. I have seen it happen. And I tell people, "Don't make me cry because if I cry and my Chi sees I am hurt because of you, whatever happens to you, face it." Jeremiah 30 verse 16 talks about those who plunder me; they will be plundered. Those who make spoil of me; he will spoil. 

He is my best friend because he knows everything about me. He truly wishes me good, and he truly cares. He would never hurt me; he would never snitch on me. I used to hate people because I am a defender. I would defend my friends anytime, anywhere, even against authorities; they should do whatever. And people would rarely ever defend me. I think that's why I have PTSD with girls; I would just stay quiet and watch girls not say anything because they don't want to be hated or get into trouble. But you see him; he would never betray me like that. 

He is my father because he holds my hand. Whenever I need something, I tell him. Whenever I fall in love, he knows. And then, before I get into it too deep, he determines if it's for me, and he protects me well. Like, well. He has guarded my heart with all his might that I can brag about my Chi. 

He is my brother; he compliments me every time. Like human validation means nothing because his validation is everything. And even when I err, he be like "again? Oya come back here." He cares about my heart. He doesn't care about me wearing spaghetti tops. Like that man that uses me to preach to his teenagers, "You are committing a sin! Sin, sin, sin. Oga rest!" And I am learning to be comfortable in him. Why am I dressing? For me. So Pastor man, I am not even a Christian so all your preaching, keep it. 

When I get angry and mad, my Chi calms me. Like, I barely get mad these days; my life is so peaceful. I can't explain it, guy! I be taking care of everyone, my loved ones, and they can see the change. I had to do a lot of things though, and I am doing a lot of things because I like his love, and I want to be worthy of it and make him love me more! 

I wear trousers; I am getting a second piercing; I am looking fine because my Chi needs a fine daughter. So, when next you get attracted to me, you are going to meet Chi and find your own Chi, too. So, do you still want to fall in love with me? When I tell you I am not a Christian, it's because I am not. I am only a simple believer; I believe in my Chi. 

Don't you want that? Don't you want the security it gives? I swear you wouldn't lose friends. Every day, I meet people, a lot of lost souls like me, and we are drawing each other to something big. Our Chi is drawing us close to him. 

Don't you want to walk about looking and feeling like a million bucks because you have something no one can take, like a protective and jealous girl? I don't even worry about him cheating. Nothing. Just his safety. Don't you want that? 

I like when people think I am going to mess them up if they try hard enough and they figure out, "This girl is really stubborn." It gladdens my heart. Chi pushes them down the drain, and they run. The wicked flee, though no man pursues. 

You see Christianity, Islam, religion? Leave it. And find your Chi. He, she wants to talk to you, whether you are the worst person on earth, no matter what you do or who you are. Sleep well, loves.