Damn… so many responsibilities ahead of me. Just thinking about them exhausts me.

I’m only 22, unemployed, and in my final year of school. Soon, I’ll graduate and face life head-on—alone. My parents are still alive, and though I’m ashamed to admit it, I depend on them heavily. I don’t earn money, have no hidden talents, and I’m severely unmotivated to get a job.

I know I think for myself, but I can’t really say I make my own decisions. I rely too much on others’ opinions. If I wear a certain T-shirt or trousers and my friends comment, “E no match” or “Why you dey wear this kind cloth?” I waver. Even if I was fine with it before, I suddenly doubt myself. I forget sometimes—I’m living my life. No one is living it for me.

Soon, the friends I made in school will graduate. We’ll drift apart—not because of anything bad, but because we all have separate lives to live. Maybe in a few years, I’ll get married and have to make decisions that affect not just me but my family too. I'll have responsibilities beyond myself.

Just thinking about it drains me. My parents may not even be around anymore, and eventually, people will depend on me the same way I depend on them now.

I don’t want to depend on them. I want to be rich, to retire them, to let them live in luxury. But who am I kidding? Just wishing for it won’t make it so.

I have to work for it. I have to learn so many things to make money, do those things consistently for years, and hope they bear fruit. But that path feels exhausting too. And to make things harder, I want to be rich while I’m young. In this country, without being born into wealth or doing something illegal, that feels like nothing but a pipe dream.

I want to buy what I want when I want—without having to call home for money. I feel envious when I see my peers in their cars, buying whatever they like, living self-sufficiently. I don’t know their backgrounds or how they got there, but I wish I was in their position. Some even send money home to their parents. Gosh, I wish I could do the same.

But I have no clear plan to get there. All I have is faith that someday, I will.

Thinking about the things I’ll have to give up to achieve success makes me sad. I guess sacrifice is necessary for greatness. But when I finally make it, will I be able to enjoy the things I gave up? Or will I lose everything and end up where I started?

All these thoughts exhaust me.

Sometimes, I even wish I were a woman—so I could just marry a rich man and let him take responsibility for me. But as a man, I have no choice. I have to face reality. I have to become responsible for my life. I have to do what’s necessary to be self-sufficient.

There’s no other way.