There comes a moment in everyone’s lives where they ask themselves “Why on earth did I just do that?”, a moment that makes even the angels in heaven grab a seat and some popcorn to see what will happen next. Now it may be a good moment or a bad one, but it all depends on perspective.

This particular moment in my life ensured that the host of heaven had a front row seat to the comedy that was my life because it happened right in front of the church.

It was Tuesday evening, the service had just concluded and everyone was trooping out of the church. Now it’s customary that after each service, everyone does a little mingling and engaged in a few aimless conversations just to pass time. I don’t know why, but we do it anyway.

I am not usually thus moved. After every service, I pack my things and hightail it out of the building so fast you’d wonder if I was present at all, but on this day, someone managed to grab me and lock me in a one-sided conversation.

I didn’t mind too much because it was someone I was familiar with. It was a young man, about two three or more years my senior and so lively that everyone loved him.

His name was Emmanuel.

Till date, I have no idea what this man was saying to me, maybe something about joining the choir because he felt it was for me, I don’t know. I simply remember wanting to go home.

That said, I was very quiet throughout this conversation and Emmanuel, who had a small bag of popcorn in his hand, was chewing and chatting away happily.

I was nodding my head and maintaining eye contact so I wouldn’t seem rude when the most ridiculous thing happened.

I felt tiny, hard pieces of something splatter on my face. One hit my eye, one my cheek and the last one fell on my bottom lip.

Only after Emmanuel apologized did I realize that they were bits of chewed popcorn that had flown out of his mouth while he was talking.

I didn’t move. I didn’t act disgusted. I simply stood staring at him.

Was it that I wasn’t fazed? Was I not disgusted and embarrassed?

Yes, I was.

I had no idea what to do. I didn’t want to make him feel bad and I didn’t want to make it seem obvious that I was disgusted.

Bear in mind that the last bit of popcorn was still nestled comfortably on my bottom lip.

So what did I do? How did I escape this terrible situation?

My brothers and sister in Christ, from here on out, you can refer to me as ‘Peace the Idiot’ or ‘Peace the Absolute Moron’ because not only did I make the situation worse by licking, chewing and swallowing the kernel, I stared into Emmanuel’s eyes while doing it.

I don’t know what was running through his mind in that instance, but he stopped talking immediately and said I could go home, and who am I to disobey?

With gladness in my heart and disgrace in my stomach, I hurried home.

Rest assured I didn’t go back to church for weeks.