Dear Big B,
It's been a while since I wrote to you.
Today, I hate everyone, and I just want to sleep.
I wanted to write to you when I am in a better mood.
I don't know, I have been having mood swings, and I don't like it.
Anxiety has also been getting the best of me.
Sometimes, I can't breathe, and it seems like the world is closing in on me.
But it isn't.
I miss you.
And if you were here, you would hug me and tell me it's okay, right?
I don't want to cry.
Why the heck am I crying?
It's crazy.
Knowing so many words and not being able to speak them.
Everything gets muddled up in my head.
I am hungry too.
I want to eat.
Rice and curry sauce,
Then wine to top it.
And maybe some chill R&B beats.
But I am stuck with my earphones and groundnuts.
Last week, I had how many best friends?
I know so many people that it's tiring.
I like the few people around me, though.
Mimi sends me love letters every day.
I wake up to her amazing letters.
My secret, that's just so fine, like fineeeeee
A, K, D, my best friends that see me once in a blue moon.
Then a whole ton of other people that make sense or don't.
Then, what else?
Oh, T called me a few days ago, and I legit was happy.
You know that moment when I get so excited that I smile so hard?
That's how I felt exactly.
I was so happy.
I don't know how you bring amazing friends to me.
For a short period of time Though :(
Like, can't they have my time all the time?
Ehhn, big brother?
I am a good person, sometimes though.
But I am good to those I extremely love and care about.
And I want you to protect them too.
There are days when I am so silent that I see and hear everything.
Is that because I am so smart?
Like people smart.
They don't have to say anything.
But I know what they are going to do.
And it ends up the same way, every time.
I miss you for the hundredth time.
I would be older soon.
And you wouldn't be here.
To congratulate me.
I don't have the opportunity to tease you.
And you, me.
On my birthday, I want you to hug me.
I don't know how, but I want you to.
Then probably write me a birthday note.
Telling me how proud of me you are.
That's almost impossible.
You exist in another realm.
But I think about it all the time.
Waking up to a mysterious birthday note from my brother.
All things are possible through Christ, right?
We don't do boys here.
Are you proud of that?
It seems like you took my love life serious bro.
You said, no one is hurting my kid sister again.
And No one is.
I wanted to do something to mark my age.
Probably get a piercing or something daring.
But I realized, I am too strange.
I don't want to be a baddie at all.
Like, I just wan dey
So no piercings.
That's too painful.
But what do I really want to do?
I am planning to spoil myself, sha.
Buy perfumes, more perfumes.
Then eat chocolates.
And sleepppppppppp!!!
I can't visit an orphanage or donate my clothes now.
But I would do that, as soon as I have the opportunity.
Life isn't about living for yourself alone, right?
It's about being selfless and living for others.
What do you say, Big B.?
One day, pull up to my crib.
This is so funny.
Writing to you is making me happy.
Ehen, I have a crush, ooh.
Nothing serious, just a little something.
I have a crush on Joeboy.
And it's so embarrassing.
Don't fret Guy, there is zero possibility of us ever meeting.
So don't worry, I wouldn't get my heartbroken.
Life isn't fair.
We don't always get what we want.
But right now, I wish you were here, guy.
I am being a baby, but I miss you too much.
Imagine someone called me proud?
I have anxiety, that's why I legit don't speak.
I only talk when I am comfortable.
Why are you beefing me???
Anyways, thank you for watching over me.
Don't be sad that I am sad.
I would be fine.
Stay safe, you hear?
I love you for life and eternity.
“Big B, look me in my eyes and say you don't miss me tonight? My temperature dey rise and I need you tonight. Just your warmth and safety.”
And before I go, Promise me you wouldn't ever leave me? I love You Benjamin.
