The minutes spent watching Fruitvale Station were one of the most stale moments in my life. And when I think of it, I still feel that weight on my chest, as though I was sitting next to brief and discussing the movie. 

Not every hero gets to feature on Marvel movies. Oscar Grant didn't either. And he wasn't one of these heroes with a cape. He was a regular man, flawed, stubborn, always trying to do better, trying to be better for his little girl, Tatiana. It was his mother's birthday that morning and in his eyes it was very clear that he wanted to make her proud. On that night, the very last one of 2008, he stuck to hope like it was all he was left with.

The movies doesn't modify or beautify what happened. It shows Oscar messing up, losing his job, hiding things from Sophina his girlfriend. But the softness in him is also emphasized, how he laughs sincerely when he holds Tatiana, the way he offers help to a stranger at a store, all the promises to start afresh. That promise that breaks you because you know you won't keep it. And it's not because he doesn't want to keep the promise, but because the world around wouldn't let him keep it. 

There's a moment on a train when the music is loud and everyone is dancing, ringing in the new year. And for a moment at least, Oscar looks like every other young man. You know, free and alive. Then the police suddenly drags him alone with his friend to Fruitvale Station. And just like that, the smallest taste of freedom slips away from his reach.

Watching him pinned down and hearing him say "I've got a daughter", it stings emotionally in a way words can't properly describe. Because it's shouldn't have ended there in those cold floors of the station. Not for a father who just wanted to go home to his daughter, not for anyone at all.

And almost suddenly, the movie ends, but the ache in the heart, it doesn't. And I'm kinda surprised I've actually watched it to the end. Like I must have missed an important part, or didn't completely download all of it. And that heart ache still lingers in the faces of those who loved him, in the tears of those strangers who had never met him but could see someone they know in him. 

And to think about it, this isn't just Oscar's story. It's every mother's nightmare, every daughter's loss and every time father's fear that it might never be good enough no matter how hard you try.

Then there's this final shot of Tatiana asking "Where's my daddy?". I could literally feel the weight of what has been stolen from her. It's not just a soul , but all birthdays, hugs and little moments that make the future worth it. That innocent voice just didn't deserve to be ignored. 

It left me quiet. Not because I didn't have anything to say, but because whatever in had to say didn't matter. All of it had already happened. And it was just a movie after all.