Felix held my hand and pinned me to the bed.

" Don't you want to carry my children anymore? Is this how we will get there?" He persuaded, voice as gentle as a lullaby.

I crumbled under him. A show of my surrender. I was willing to bear this gut ripping pain of my first time with a man. I wanted to have his children someday.

Now, that I think of it. I should have gotten up and gone home. It could have ended there.

I was raised in a Christian home. My personal principle was purity. That resolve stood long enough until I met Felix. He was perfect. I should have grown suspicious when he insisted to keep our relationship from my parents. The veil eventually came off my eyes, but the deed was done.

From several excuses of busy schedule, to complete change of attitude, Felix went from the man who loved me to the moon, to someone who found my calls irritable. I became a disturbance to him.

I no longer got flowery words and regular chats, not as if he fancied them. I was at the edge of the world with no one to confide in. My grades dropped and I sauntered into depression.

There was no mistake that my mother would be heartbroken if she knew. I had stood by purity for so long that I made her a proud mother. Yet, I had to come clean before her. Her forgiveness was the healing I desired.

When I told her, I expected an outburst of disappointment. She went from a little sigh to a smile. 

" I am glad you told me." She said, clasping my hands in hers. That was the gesture I needed to walk the path of healing. To look beyond my mistake and see the light of day in its beauty.

" You are stronger now than before. It is not the end." She soothed me.

Felix came back. Back for another sexual escapade. I looked at myself in the mirror while he pulled at my heartstrings.

" Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me." I scoffed inwardly.

Yet, I couldn't deny the pull I felt towards him. At the back of my mind was our time together. I had to struggle to reclaim myself.

When the profession of love didn't work, he turned to gaslighting. I never felt more miserable.

" Na me dey waste my time with you," he scorned in pidgin English. The call ended and I took a deep breath. 

I told myself severally that I would heal. I was beginning to walk down that path when I learnt from a distant acquaintance of her perfect lover called Felix.  I confirmed his identity, and something kicked inside me. 

I wasn't the only one he played, and this bubbly teen was swinging down towards a similar end. Worse was his defamation of an ex-girlfriend of his. 

" A stupid virgin,"the girl recounted the stories he told her. Unknown to her, I was the stupid virgin he spoke about. A huge contrast to the princess everyone praised. I was bitter at first, but I couldn't watch her go down that path. Maybe, this is why my mother said I was stronger. My experience became my greatest strength and motivation. It opened up a new path before me. On this path, I must ensure, to the best of my abilities, that teenagers do not make similar mistake.