I try to convince myself that I hate you and couldn't care less about what you do..
But deep down within myself I know that's not true,i can lie to others, i can lie to myself,but i cant manipulate my heart to think that i don't still care about you ...

I stalk your page now and then to see what you are doing, to try to convince myself that you are not worth it and i deserve so much better 
I know I do deserve so much better than what you were to me, but i still can't shake your thought's of my mind and leave you in my past,that I don't have to talk about or be a past that drains me this much ...
I keep lighting the candle of our memories to keep them alive with me,which i shouldn't be doing I'm suppose to allow it slip away and turn into just a dark space that once occupied something before, but doesn't matter anymore

I keep replaying and rereading old messages,i don't know what I'm trying to get from rereading old messages from someone that hurts me this much and still makes me want more from them, like some sort of addiction.
But a good thing about this addiction of mine is that i would never text you,i would rather hurt by rereading our messages than messaging you and wanting to try again .
I won't lie to myself a part of me still wish we are still together, even with how badly you treated me,a part of me still wish you would text me and want to make things work again,which I feel a part of me will accept.
I am a sucker for love that's why i like to live in my bubble because i know how crazy i can get even for someone who didn't treat me half the way i am supposed to be treated .

I need you to become nothing to me,but i still want you to be something,i don't know what.... 

It's crazy, how could we have shared that much , and now we are not supposed to matter to each other!
For real someone needs to explain how to go about feelings,you feel like you should be able to control,but when you get into it you become helpless,you would think you won't let your guard down,you might even think you didn't let it down,but when it turns like this(ugly)you will then realize how much you had let your guard down,that you didn't even notice .
Now all is left is "What if's" and how you would be able to control this ragng  feeling that you can't seem to place whether its still "love,hate,anger,regret"you just don't know what it is ,the emotions just keep spiraling out of control....

That's enough emotins for tonight i hope after getting this off by writing i get to sleep this night without being consumed by your thought ....