My destructive way

It always gets the best of me.

It grabs me by the brain and pulls me like an acoustic wave, into the abyss of hurts and betrayal, down to the river of sadness and depression, were it drowns me in the pain of terrible hygiene, poor life choices and bad eating habits.

First it isolates me, comfort's me, then slowly destroys me, altering my  perception of reality.

Making me lose track of time, which takes me to the back of the line, that's back to square one. 

I try to fight it you know, try to resist that urge to do bad things but it always gets the best of me.

do I ever overcome this destructive ways,

how must i outgrow this bad habits. 

How do I cope through hurts and pains without falling back into destructive ways

Because now it has become my pain killer, relieving my pain but 

never healing the wound causing the pain.

I need to break this unhealthy pattern, boycott this path of doom.

"You can start by healing John, I used to be like this until I healed " Amira shared.

But how did you heal Amira.

" Forgiveness, I forgave myself, showed myself kindness, booked therapy sessions, and joined a supportive community" she added.

there's hope for me after all i as i let out a deep sigh of relief.