This is a story about my first love.  

Are you familiar with the emotion of love?

You probably see it on social media, in the movies, in books, and even in real life. It’s sweet, it’s beautiful, it’s like you’re flying with the birds in the morning sky, greeted daily by the brightness of the morning sun. Your lover’s voice fuels your passion; she’s the wind beneath your sails and you can sail with her to the end of the world. You care less for the darkness that awaits, for she lights up the room with her smile. You have no fear for the unknown because your lover’s eyes show the answer to all uncertainties. The world may be falling apart, the ground breaking and the sky falling, but you’re safe in your lover’s arms. The world may be a bitter place but all you require is the sweetness of your lover’s lips. It’s a cold world we live in, but you cannot relate because the home you know is the one inside your lover; the warmness that you feel inside your lover. 

I know a different love. 

Our meeting was unconventional. My love is unconventional. It was like magic, the way we instantly connected. She was magic. It’s impossible to look past her forehead but it’s still part of the beautiful art that she is, yes, this girl that I love is art. Then there’s her eyes; large eyes that scream seduction, and mischief. My love has lips that would likely be the end of me and I would gladly meet that end if it meant meeting her lips with mine. I always see the scar, a subtle reminder that those sweet lips could hurt you in ways you could never imagine. My love is tall, my love’s skin is soft. I love holding her palm in mine and playing with her short fingers and even though she does not say anything, I know she loves the way it makes her feel. I know she loves the way I make her feel.

This love I have differs from the ones you see on social media. My love does not translate to butterflies in the tummy. My love does not translate to peace and happiness. My love is locked chests in the middle of the night. My love is disagreements, lack of understanding and inability to find a middle ground. My love is the death of duty, the denial of responsibility. To love or not to love; to stay or not to stay. My love is endless compromise, adjustment of standards and self-discovery. 

Why does she behave the way she does sometimes? 

I found it easier to blame her for the friction we experience in our relationship. I found comfort in the belief that she never loved me as much as she professed. It was a simple answer, that wouldn’t be much trouble for my inexperienced head to comprehend. I failed to understand the complexities that humans are. I failed to understand the limitations of love. I began to see things from her perspective and I saw the scars that bare eyes could not see. I saw beyond her beautiful, beyond those walls she fought so hard to put up and I saw the fragile child that she is. I saw the fragile child that we all are inside. 

It's not easy with her but I know I want her to stay. I read about beautiful love stories and I know that those stories could be us in a few years, if everything aligns perfectly. My first love had me believing in the power of the universe. She had me making wishes on angel numbers. When the night is darkest, and the stars shine brightest, she’s there by my side. When my story is complete, and the lights shine the brightest on me, I want it to be her, sharing the spotlight with me. I’m still young, quite inexperienced, yet to understand a lot of things but I know what I feel. 

Is this the love I read about in books? Is this the love I see in the movies? One thing I know: This is the love I have for V.