"My phone's watery baptism in the kitchen had stolen my appetite on a Friday evening. On my way to football training the next morning, I spotted a repair shop near Bauchi junction. The technician's confident nod and analysis - "calibrator needs changing" - put me at ease. We settled on 3,000 naira, and I left my phone with him, expecting it to be fixed by 11:30 am.

After a great training session, I returned to collect my phone, only to be told the technician he is yet to fetch the calibrator from Terminus. "Two minutes," he promised. I raised an eyebrow, knowing the distance was farcical. Hours passed, and I lost sight of him until 4:30 pm, when he emerged, without a single word, nodding apologetically. Thankfully, the phone was fixed.

But my relief was short-lived. When my  bank app refused to cooperate, forcing me to endure another hour of ear-piercing music and cigarette smoking infested air. Finally, the transfer went through, and I fled the shop.

Since then, I've kept my phone at a safe distance from water - and the kitchen."