I fear... quite a lot! Amongst my fears, one stands greater than all: the fear of failing as a girl child.

Before you proceed, breathe in and out. Consider not reading further, but if you do... good for you.

What actually makes me a girl child? What differentiates me from a male?

Your answer would most likely be based on physicality, but what I talk about is more than the physical. It's more than our genetics and the way our bodies are wired.

You don't understand me, right?

It's normal, especially in this African society, to be "fresh" for marriage. And there is this, uhm, pressure. Pressure from your family: stay away from boys, blah blah blah…

Or you might be sleeping around (sorry for being raw), but don't get pregnant and don't let them know of it.

Have you ever thought of why?

I think it all comes down to pride. Because your husband would sleep with you, not his family. Not even your family. So why?

I think it all comes down to pride and respect. They want people to think they are good parents, their child followed the normal African societal setting, she is well-cultured and groomed, more bride price, and no stain on the family's name.

They have no problem with their male wards satisfying their sexual urges, but they should be wise about it. It's like an unspoken role. Abi, have you ever heard a parent tell their male sons to wait till marriage?

Society has made a lot of things crazy. A lot of people do things because of their mindset that is warped and corrupted, it's all for their personal benefits.

Because, what's the difference between a girl that sleeps with a guy for money and you that sleeps with your "boyfriend or partner"?

Love? What exactly?

The girl that sleeps with a guy for money or goodies is slut-shamed and all of that. Simply because she is doing what you are doing but for money?

If you think about it deeply, relationships work in a weird routine: bodies = gifts, material things, and more.

Either way, no one is a saint.

Do you guys understand that being "chaste" doesn't make you a good person? You have to work on your character; on you!

Being all, "ooh, I have never slept with a guy this and that" with a dirty character is bad. You can't clean after yourself, you can't take care of you!

He would sleep with you once, and that "virginity," that thing you hold as an egg, would be gone. What would he have to hold onto after that?

He would spend his days with what is now you. If you can't do what a proper woman is supposed to do, how would you keep him? Abi, your hymen would grow back and he would break it and it would grow back and it would break again???

Real men don't eat uncovered food, yes... But a real woman knows more than being "chaste". She knows God, she is loving and kind, she has a good heart.

And that is what is important.

Character!!!

Without good character, that your "chastity" is vanity.

I am not saying being a virgin is a bad thing. Please don't get me wrong. It's good. An added bonus to your man. He would be the first to, you know…

But there is more to life than your body. You have to build character. You have to learn how to guard your home, and it starts from now.

Take care of you, learn simple household things, learn patience, humility. Learn to find God too.

Because as a mother, you go pray tireeeeeeeee.

You would have to stand in the place of warfare for your family. Spiritually, physically, financially too.

It starts from now. Not then, not tomorrow, and not later.

So when I say, my greatest fear is failing as a female child, it means failing in being a good person to myself, being a good helpmate to my man, and being a good mother.

Don't let society deceive you; being and getting married is a good thing! But you have to prepare for it.

Not just sexually, yeah, but physically, spiritually too. That time you spend doing those things, talk about your future with God in it. Commit it to him and try to know him.

He knows best and he would lead you. Society would confuse you, God would lead you.