---

Why do we press the remote harder when it’s not working? Like, do we honestly believe the remote is sitting there thinking, “Hmm... they’re casually pressing buttons—clearly not urgent.” And then when we slam that button like we’re entering cheat codes on a 1990s video game, it suddenly decides, “Whoa, okay! Now they mean business!”

Meanwhile, the batteries inside are like, “Bro... we’ve been dead since last Tuesday.”

It’s the same logic we apply to elevators. Button not lighting up? Just keep pressing it 57 more times. That'll definitely speed up the space-time continuum.

At this point, I’m convinced half of technology runs on intimidation and passive-aggressive staring.