On this very hot afternoon, while Tega stands directly under the scorching sun there are so many things that were worth Tega's attention. The street guys banter over football that would soon involve throwing fists, the sound of the siren indicating that the power supply has been restored and even the buckets in the line to fetch water, which was right in front of Tega's. However, the one that seems to live up to that task are the two letter words that Abike uttered.
“Good afternoon”
“Good afternoon to you too, are you just realizing that it's afternoon or that I'm standing here?”
Her pleasant gesture was met with hostility from Tega.
“I'm very sorry.”
“It's alright, just make sure you don't do it next time.”
“Yes, thank you.”
Her humble response reminded Tega of two things. The first was how it used to be Tega in Abike's shoes just a few years ago. The second, which is more important is how Tega used to swear against becoming the adult who feasts on greetings from children.
Yet, here Tega stands, acting as if life depends on those two simple words.
As Tega slanted under the weight of the water filled bucket, every step taken with each splash, marked the slow becoming of all that was reviled to Tega. Maybe Tega's choice of plastic handle buckets had other perks than intended, it is less painful.
Now Tega knows those adults from childhood were not just being mean. It is irritating for life to weigh this heavy by being out of control, only for adults to still be unable to control little children. Now, Tega gets it. Does this justify all the actions we perform as adults? Is life really that deep? Do life's trials justify Tega's mother's decision to hang herself 15 years ago? Or Tega's father's solace and companionship in alcoholism? I guess that's a question that has no answer.
Covered in beads of sweat, Tega contemplates what to do first, shower or eat? The reasonable thing would be to shower but eating now would prevent wasting gas to heat the food up after a shower. That is another problem of life. As much as life is out of control, the little things we do have under control can be quite tasking too. There is no manual, it all boils down to choice.
After moping the body, Tega checks the time - there is class in 20 minutes. Tega rinses the plastic spoon and begins to consume the meal. After biting into a large chunk of onion, Tega sees the need to do something about lacking a knife, relying on the neighbor's does not cut it anymore.
In less than ten minutes, Tega is dressed and on the way to the bus stop. Not attending the class is an option, but that is not who Tega set out to become. It was a conscious decision to attend all classes. As Tega continues to walk down to the bus stop, someone calls out - it is mama Waji.
“Tega how are you?”
" I'm fine ma."
Though in haste, Tega could not slip out of this. This time Tega is in Abike's shoes.
“How your papa?”
“He's fine ma.”
“How is he coping with the situation? And you too?”
“We thank God ma.”
“May her soul rest in peace.”
Tega did not know what to say to that. Why should Kewve, the only real family Tega had left , who chose to leave the world the way their mother did "rest in peace"? Yet, was it her fault that life happened and she found her only choice to be ending it all? Was it really her only choice? After all, Tega had also dealt with suicidal thoughts for 15 years yet had made the conscious decision not to end that way, not owning a knife, sticking to plastic utensils and so many other little things were all choices Tega made. Why could she not do the same? Some things are out of control but others are not. Tega could choose to grudge the dead or forgive and move on.
“Thank you ma.”
Even Tega remains unsure of what that response means. The only thing that is certain now is Tega's decision to not miss class - and to break the family cycle.
