Last year, I told myself, “This February 14th, I will not be single.” I even posted soft-launch pictures on Instagram  just my hand and one mysterious male wrist with a fake silver bracelet I borrowed from my cousin.

The guy in question? Emeka. Fine boy. Beards. Smells like imported perfume from Dubai (even though he has never left Lagos).

On February 13th, he was calling me “my future” and sending heart emojis like he bought them in bulk.

Midnight reached. 12:01am. I was refreshing WhatsApp like JAMB result.

Nothing.

6:30am, still nothing.

By 9am, I decided to check his status.

“Happy Valentine’s Day to my forever ❤️🌹”  with a full picture. Not soft launch. Hard launch. The girl was wearing matching pajamas with him.

My own heart did Ctrl + Alt + Delete.

I called him immediately.

“Emeka, what is this?”

He said, “Ahh, don’t be angry nau. You know you’re my private life. She is my public life.”

Excuse me???

So while other people were receiving flowers and teddy bears, I received premium heartbreak 💔 

To make matters worse, my mum entered my room that afternoon and said, “No Valentine gift?When all you know is to stay indoors "

That day, I totally gave up.

This year? I’m buying shawarma, turning off my phone, and avoiding men that say “let’s see how it goes.”

Because in Nigeria, Valentine’s Day is either sweet… or it will teach you a lesson you didn’t register for.