Since we talked about being more confident and having utterance to share the word in your own little world during Sunday school today, I am urged to share this with you here. 

But before I begin, let me establish a foundation with John 1 vs 12, where it says that: To those that receive Him, He gave the power to become the sons of God.

Now this verse implies that becoming a child of God is not by our own power. God gives the enablement for 'becoming' to those that receive and believe in Him. 

So, earlier this week, I erred and I appealed to God for a clear conscience, but that didn't work because I still found myself wavering tremendously in faith and obedience. 

I knew this battle against the flesh is already a lost one on my own, but somehow I persevered and insisted on overcoming disobedience with human willpower. 

I didn't know what I was trying to prove to God, but I just kept telling myself that I could do better. I can do better than this.

You know one of those times that you feel like drowning yourself in guilt, always being uptight and overly conscious of your next steps, that gives you a kind of feeling that you have tried, and you're getting it— when you feel like condemning yourself already makes you saved. 

But it just gets worse as you keep trying, and the end result is that you give up on yourself and start thinking that you can never actually do anything right and you can never really be a worthy and proud child of God.

After trying on your own to no avail, you start thinking that God doesn't want you anymore. He's probably so angry that He does not want to see your face again in His presence. 

If you have reached this stage, then congratulations — the devil has successfully caged you in your own delusions. I would have congratulated myself as well, but thank God His mercy brought me out of that state of mind.

And it didn't even take much. I didn't have to do so much. I just had to surrender, I went to bed, and I was really disturbed, but I just said a little prayer in my heart. I didn't even speak out loud. I just closed my eyes and said, “Lord, I don't want to drift off to sleep tonight without being Your friend again.” 

Or wait... No, I read the Bible first in the evening, and it felt like I was reading some strange language, and I closed it back because I felt so disconnected. Then at night, I was not at peace, and I said that prayer.

I woke up again within the night, still feeling unsettled. I glanced at my Bible, and that voice came again: 'don't bother reading the it, after all, you've ignored it for a while now and neglected its instructions. It's of no use.' And I laid back down. I almost went back to sleep.

But thank God I didn't pay heed to enemy. I got back up after a few minutes and  randomly opened Psalms, where David was crying upon the Lord for help because no one is holy again, because people had gone astray. I don't remember the exact chapter and verse because I was sleepy, but I read that and slept. I woke up with my peace restored.

You know that God is with you when He gives you peace in spite of anything that could be going on. God is a giver of peace. He just restores serenity in your life, and you realize what you've been missing.

But it didn't end there. I had to confront myself. I had to really query myself and take responsibility for my actions. I ditched excuses, stopped feeling guilty, and confronted myself with the long-term consequences of my indiscipline if I continued like that.

Now I was able to do so because the Lord had given me the power to do it. He had restored my peace and clarity, and I could see clearly to tackle myself and make adjustments.

There are always those times of uncertainty, doubt, and weakness, but don't allow the devil to turn your heart away from God. 

You are His ambassador and a light.

Keep shining.

Have a blessed Sunday ✨ 

Princess Ella